


Fault

by cecilantro



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 03:51:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14803833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecilantro/pseuds/cecilantro
Summary: Jester is the Cleric. Calebdied.(And then he didn't, but when he did... what a mess.)C2 E20 spoilers.





	Fault

**Author's Note:**

> I mentioned it in yesterdays widomauk fic but lets look at Jester and hurt HER now too

The laughs and the talking, it’s all long died away, the dead of night in the super low light of the swampy rooms.   
It’s time to recompose. Time to reflect, and Jester has been packing up a  _ lot _ of the past few days to go through when she’s ready, because it’s easier to shirk it off until she’s ready and alone than it is to process it at the time.   
Except her back is pressed up to Beau’s, Kiri is curled on the floor across from her, she’s not alone and she is  _ definitely _ not ready to unpack  _ Caleb not fucking getting up _ .   
She thought he was  _ dead _ , for realsies this time, and she couldn’t have done  _ anything _ to save him. She’d packed that all up, nice and neat, techniques she’s bastardised from Mollymauk, but it begins to unpack itself without her permission. Like a jack-in-the-box.   
The vision of Caleb, face-down in a pool of his own blood, and blurred with Jester’s tears. The feeling of her throat, torn raw screaming his name. She hadn’t realised how much she cared until she was crouched next to his corpse.   
Molly had throttled him for it, Jester had packed it up, wound it tight and laughed as though she hadn’t been crying seconds before, and they moved on to bothering Yasha about her Aasimar abilities.   
In bed, back pressed up to Beau’s, Jester finds herself sobbing. And once she’s noticed, it becomes uncontrollable, the only thing that she can do is muffle it with one hand, pressed to her mouth. Beau is grumpy when she’s woken up for no good reason, this isn’t enough to wake her for, as much as Jester wants to turn over and cuddle up  _ right now _ .   
She screws her eyes closed and wills the hurt to fade. Sobbing. She loses track of how long.   
And then there’s a little scuffling, some chittering, and Beau’s voice says “ _ Jester? _ ” but Beau hasn’t moved, so she knows it isn’t Beau.   
She opens up, and Kiri has crawled closer to the bed, she uses the inside of Nott’s cloak to daub away tears from Jester’s nose and cheeks.   
“No, no, it’s okay!” Jester whispers, and tries to smile. Kiri’s head tilts in the other direction.   
“No.” She replies, in Jester’s voice, and it’s oddly jarring to hear her own voice played back to her. Jester sighs, soft, though she doesn’t let her smile drop away.   
“No.” Kiri repeats, “No- okay?”   
“Are you trying to ask me what’s wrong?” Jester asks, wide-eyed, and Kiri chirrups, quietly, excitedly,   
“What’s wrong?” She repeats, and Jester sighs again, lets her smile fall away this time. She slips off of the bed to sit beside Kiri on the damp floor.   
“A couple of days ago, my friends got into a fight.”   
“Fight.” Kiri repeats, and Jester nods,   
“Worse than the crocodiles! We nearly died!” it’s a whisper, but Kiri gets the tone, chirrups something like a gasp,   
“Worse!”   
“Caleb- you know which one Caleb is?”   
Kiri clicks and chitters a little as she tilts, thinking, and turns back to Jester,   
“The spookiest thing in this place!” She proclaims, proudly, in an almost perfect imitation of Caleb’s voice, and Jester has to muffle a laugh.   
“That’s  _ pretty _ close, actually, but you have the right person.” She smiles, distant at the thought of Caleb’s reassuring Nott. Kiri waits for a few moments, watching.   
“Fight. Caleb.” she prompts, in Jester’s voice, and chirrups sadly when Jester’s smile fades again.   
“I’m supposed to keep him safe, and I thought he died. I couldn’t keep him safe, he wouldn’t-” She chokes on the words, “He wouldn’t wake up. I thought he was  _ dead _ , and it was my fault.”   
Jester buries her face in her hands as she breaks into sobs again, and there’s the feather-light pressure of Kiri leaning on her.   
“Caleb.” Kiri says, slow, as though she’s thinking and picking from her limited pool of words, “Wake up.”   
Jester nods,   
“He woke up, but I thought- my fault- I didn’t-”   
“Nott.” Kiri says, in Caleb’s voice, and then, “Jester.” in Beau’s, and finally, “Fault.” in Jester’s own, tear-thickened tone.   
Jester is so shocked that she stops crying, for a second, and turns to Kiri. Stares.   
And then bursts back into tears as she lurches forward and pulls the Kenku into a hug, mindful of her delicate bones.   
“Jester.” Kiri chirrups from her awkward squished position against her shoulder, and gives a peep of almost pain, Jester lets go quickly,   
“Sorry. Sorry, thank you, Kiri.”   
“Kiri.” Kiri chirrups in reply, and Jester smiles and kisses, quickly, the tip of her beak   
“We should  _ probably _ go to sleep, before we wake Beau up.” Jester says, smiling, and is shocked when,   
“I’ve  _ been _ awake since you got outta bed.” Beau’s back is still to them, and she tries to make her voice sound pissed but it doesn’t quite make it. Kiri brushes her feathery fingers against Jester’s arm before backing up to her sleep spot and curling up, and Jester smiles to her until her eyes close.   
Beau turns over as Jester climbs back into the bed, they lie, face-to-face in the dim light and Jester knows that all Beau can see is a faint outline. But Jester, well... Jester can see Beau’s face, and she is only concern, chewing at the corner of her lip as she looks back and forth between the places she assumes Jester’s eyes are. She’s a little off, but not by much.   
Then there’s a hand that skims up Jester’s hip and settles at the small of her back,   
“You shoulda told me you were upset. I coulda helped.”   
“Kiri did well. It’s okay, Beau, I know you were busy…”   
Beau shakes her head and pulls Jester toward her,   
“No, it’s not fair that I didn’t pay enough attention an’ the  _ kid _ had to help. She shouldn’t have to, I shoulda done that.”   
“Beau,” Jester says, dangerously, “Don’t.”   
“Nott. Fault.” Kiri chirps, sleepily, from the other side of the room, and Jester smiles.   
“She’s right! Not your fault. Thank you, Kiri.”   
Kiri chitters and clicks, it fades away as she falls further to sleep. Beau is still busy frowning at her, like she hasn’t taken Kiri’s reassurances to heart.   
She opens her mouth, like she’s going to speak again, and Jester clamps a hand across Beau’s entire face before she can get a word out.   
“No.” Jester says, firmly, and Beau’s concerned frown turns sour, like she’s about to take a tantrum.   
She licks Jester’s hand.   
Jester muffles a noise of disgust by turning her head into the pillow.   
Beau chuckles as Jester pulls her hand away, and peeps with shock when she wipes the palm down the front of Beau’s chest.   
“Gross.” Beau says, and it’s Jester’s turn to laugh, now, as she shuffles closer and Beau pulls her in.   
“I’m here, next time, okay?” Beau says, quiet and now serious, she tilts forward to rest her forehead against Jester’s. “You can talk to me. I’m not… I won’t help, but I’m  _ really fuckin’ good _ at listenin’.”   
Jester gives a somewhat watery chuckle and presses up, very, very gently, and kisses her.   
“ _ Next time _ ,” Jester emphasises, “I’ll ask for cuddles first.”   
Beau blinks, exhausted, and smiles,   
“That works too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I love kiri.


End file.
